by Dr. Kevin Dean, President & CEO, Tennessee Nonprofit Network
Let’s talk about my friend Suzanne. (That’s not her real name, mostly because she’s still trying to keep her job after the unfortunate incident described below.)
Suzanne was a hardworking middle manager who found herself assigned to the guest registration table at a high-stakes gala. Her partner for the night? A board member who was a prickly banker with the outward temperament of a quiet but deeply vengeful mobster. Imagine Kingpin from Daredevil or Marlon Brando from The Godfather, and you’ve nailed his demeanor. He wore a suit that probably cost more than Suzanne’s annual salary and possessed a stare that could turn a lukewarm chardonnay into an ice cube.
For three straight hours—roughly the time it takes to watch the extended director’s cut of The Godfather—this man leaned over the name tags and griped. He didn’t just complain; he performed a masterclass in “Organizational Nihilism.”
Between checking in the Mayor and handing out drink tickets, he whispered a dark litany of woes into Suzanne’s ear. He hissed that the gala hadn’t raised enough money to “buy a decent toaster.” He claimed the Executive Director couldn’t communicate her way out of a wet paper bag with a flashlight and a map. He lamented that the Board was a “dysfunctional circus of egos” where he was the only one with a tent.
Suzanne, trapped by a mix of Middle Tennessee politeness, a fear of “the family,” and the physical inability to escape the registration table without causing a scene involving a pile of alphabetized lanyards, just nodded. She smiled weakly. She practiced “active listening” that looked suspiciously like “hostage blinking.” She thought she’d survived the night when the last guest arrived and she could finally go home to a glass of wine and a silent room.
She had not.
Fast forward a month. The banker’s term ends. He fires off a “parting gift” email to the CEO—a three-page manifesto of grievances. The kicker? The radioactive cherry on top of the spite sundae? He wrote: “And by the way, Suzanne and I discussed all of this at length during the gala, and she completely agreed with every point I’ve made here. It’s good to know someone on staff has their eyes open!”
The CEO’s reaction was less “balanced leadership” and more “Mount Vesuvius having a bad hair day.” Smoke was literally coming out of the CEO’s ears. Suzanne spent the next forty-eight hours in a series of “clarifying conversations” that felt remarkably like a polygraph test. She narrowly escaped the chopping block, but she learned a lesson that we all need to tattoo on our forearms: Boundaries with the Board are not just for the Board. They are for us.
When it comes to our Directors, we love them, we appreciate their volunteer spirit, and we absolutely do not want to be the person they use as a “character witness” in their next unsolicited manifesto. Here is how we keep things professional, productive, and—most importantly—career-sustaining.
1. The “Chain of Command” is Your Shield
Think of the formal communication channel not as “red tape” or a barrier to your brilliance, but as a protective bubble. Unless you are assigned to a specific project that requires you to be in the trenches with a Board member, please remember:
Formal requests, reports, or policy-related questions should be routed through the CEO or your department head.
The “Why”: Because if a Board member asks you for a “quick, casual update” on 2026 impact metrics and you give them Version A (the “we’re doing great!” version), while I’ve already sent them Version B (the “here is the audited, nuance-filled reality” version), we look like a group of cats trying to coordinate a synchronized swim. It’s confusing for them, and it makes you look like you’re freelancing on the facts. Routing through leadership ensures the Board receives consistent information and keeps you from being the “source” of accidental misinformation.
2. Professionalism: The “No-Gripe” Zone
When you’re at a gala, a retreat, or a meeting, you aren’t just “Staff Member [Name].” You are a representative of your organization. While we value the warm, fuzzy relationships we have with our directors, please maintain a professional boundary.
- The Golden Rule: Avoid discussing internal staff grievances, confidential personnel matters, or that “wild, unvetted idea” for a program you haven’t even pitched to your supervisor yet. Yes, I’m acknowledging that some issues may require board intervention such as sexual harassment, illegal activity, or your CEO turning into a vampire, but those are extreme cases.
- The “Suzanne” Defense: If a Board member starts venting to you about the coffee, the strategy, or the leadership, do not nod. Do not say “I hear you.” Do not even tilt your head in a sympathetic fashion. Practice your “Professional Neutral Face”—the one that says, “I am a blank slate and I have no opinions on this matter.” And then tell them they should really discuss this directly with the CEO. Stay. Out. Of. It.
3. Preparation: No Spontaneous Combustion, Please
If you’ve been invited to present at a Board or committee meeting, congratulations! You’re the expert in the room. However, we want you to look like a prepared expert, not a surprise guest on a reality TV show.
- The One-Week Rule: All materials, slide decks, and data narratives should be reviewed by your supervisor at least one week in advance.
- The Goal: We want to ensure that any data or narratives shared are accurate and aligned with your organization’s current strategic goals. There is nothing quite like a Board member finding a math error on slide four to turn a ten-minute update into a three-hour forensic audit of your soul. Let’s avoid that together.
4. Networking: The Art of the “Loop-In”
At conferences or social gatherings, the vibe is relaxed. There are appetizers. There might be a jazz trio. There might even be an open bar to the excitement of your staff (except you HR manager). This is where the lines get the blurriest. A Board member might catch you at the buffet and say, “So, tell me honestly, how is that new CRM really working out?”
This is a trap. It might be a friendly, well-meaning trap, but it’s still a trap.
- Engage at 30,000 Feet: Feel free to engage in high-level conversation about your successes, your organization’s mission, and general program updates. Be the cheerleader!
- The Magic Phrase: If they ask for specific data or make a direct request for action (“Hey, can you send me that donor list?”), don’t panic. Simply say:“That’s a great question, and I want to make sure I give you the most up-to-date info. I’ll loop in the leadership team when I’m back in the office to make sure we get you exactly what you need.”
The Bottom Line
We want you to have great relationships with our Board. They are incredible advocates and we couldn’t do this work without them. But by keeping these boundaries firm, we ensure that you stay out of the “fire-breathing CEO” zone and that our organization speaks with one clear, professional voice.
In short: Learn from the Banker/Mobster Incident. Keep your data vetted, your gripes internal, and your escape hatches ready!