by Kevin Dean, President & CEO, Tennessee Nonprofit Network
Congratulations, your nonprofit board has successfully hired a new executive director (ED)! 🎉 Now what?
The nonprofit sector is currently experiencing what can only be described as a mass exodus of biblical proportions. Seasoned leaders are fleeing for greener pastures (or perhaps just saner ones), while a tidal wave of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed newbies eagerly step into their roles. This changing of the guard promises a thrilling mix of groundbreaking ideas and… well, let’s just say short tenures for quite a few.
Unfortunately, many nonprofit boards seem to be populated by well-intentioned but woefully unprepared individuals. This unfortunate reality leaves countless new EDs adrift in a sea of uncertainty, desperately seeking guidance and support from those who are, frankly, clueless. It’s no wonder that a shockingly high number of these poor souls end up throwing in the towel within the first two years, their spirits crushed and their resumes stained with the dreaded “short-term employment” curse. Thirty-percent of those blame issues with their boards for their quick departure.
Are you setting your new executive director up for success? If not, read on. If your goal is to send this talented individual running for the hills faster than you can say “501(c)(3),” then you’re in luck. Here’s your step-by-step, foolproof guide to scaring away your new executive director:
- Don’t Onboard Them: Forget about those silly onboarding plans and orientation schedules. Throw your new ED into the deep end without a life jacket and see if they can swim through the murky waters of bylaws, strategic plans, and staff drama. Bonus points if you hand them a stack of dusty files and say, “Good luck figuring it out!”
- Expect Them to Work Fundraising Miracles: Demand your ED raise a gazillion dollars within the first month, preferably without having met a single donor. Ignore the fact that fundraising takes time, relationship-building, and maybe a touch of strategy.
- Withhold All the Bad Stuff and Let It Be a Surprise: During the interview process, be sure to sweep all the major organizational challenges under the rug. Cash flow issues? Toxic workplace culture? Who needs to know about those minor details? Let your ED be delightfully surprised when they stumble upon these ticking time bombs.
- Let Institutional Knowledge Fade Away Into the Ether: Why bother with succession planning when you can create a thrilling game of “guess what the previous ED knew”? After all, watching your new ED scramble to piece together information from cryptic emails and disgruntled staff members is far more entertaining.
- Micromanage The Heck Out of Them: Ensure that your ED feels constantly monitored and second-guessed. Question their every decision, critique their emails, and schedule impromptu check-ins just to keep them on their toes. Who needs autonomy when you have a board that knows best?
- Do the “That’s Not Our Job” Dance: Make it clear that fundraising is solely the ED’s responsibility. Why should board members lift a finger (or open their wallets) when they can simply sit back and criticize the results?
- Role Clarity is for Losers!: Foster a delightful ambiguity around who’s responsible for what. Let the ED and the board stumble over each other, stepping on toes and causing chaos.
- The Chain of Chaos: Encourage staff members to bypass the ED and bring their complaints, suggestions, and pet peeves directly to the board. Who needs a chain of command when you can have a free-flowing river of anarchy?
- Don’t Let Them Grow Into Their Roles: Professional development? Psh, who needs it? Let your ED stagnate and wither away like a neglected houseplant. Why invest in their growth when you can hoard those precious funds for the annual holiday party? Besides, they should already know everything there is to know about everything, right? That’s why you hired them!
- Infantilize Them: If your ED happens to be younger, then congratulations! You’ve unlocked the ultimate power move: infantilization. Treat them like a child, dismiss their ideas, and pat them on the head when they do something right. Who knows, maybe they’ll even start calling you “Mommy” or “Daddy.”
Disclaimer: This blog post is meant to be satirical. If you actually follow these tips, you’ll not only lose your ED but also damage your nonprofit’s reputation and mission. Please, for the sake of all that is good in the world, don’t be this board! Instead, try this:
- Create a comprehensive onboarding plan: Help your new ED get up to speed quickly and efficiently.
- Set realistic fundraising expectations: Understand that relationship-building takes time.
- Be transparent about challenges: Honesty is the best policy, even (especially) when it’s difficult.
- Prioritize knowledge transfer: Ensure institutional knowledge isn’t lost in the transition.
- Trust your ED: Let them do the job you hired them for. Offer support, not micromanagement.
A successful ED-board relationship is a partnership built on trust, respect, and communication. So, ditch the bad habits and start building that foundation!