by Kevin Dean, President & CEO, Tennessee Nonprofit Network
Congratulations, new executive director! You’ve officially earned your stripes in the wild and wonderful world of nonprofits – a land of big hearts, tight budgets, and a whole lot of passionate personalities. And just like any vibrant ecosystem, there are bound to be a few… ahem… disagreements, some small and some…EPIC. Welcome to the Nonprofit Thunderdome! (just kidding…sort of)
Okay, maybe “Thunderdome” is a bit dramatic, but let’s be real – stepping into the role of executive director or even a new manager in a nonprofit will be full of highs and lows. The lows will always include a touch of interpersonal conflict within the organization. We are, after all, one of the most passionate sectors with people driven by a sense of purpose. It can be hard to compromise when you’re fighting for what you believe in! Annnnnd then also people have bad days and get grumpy. Whether it’s two interns bickering over the last stapler, a donor throwing a tantrum over a misplaced comma in a thank-you note, or a full-blown boardroom showdown over the direction of your mission, conflict is as inevitable as spilled coffee on a grant proposal deadline. As a new leader, learning to navigate these choppy waters is key to your survival (and the success of your organization). As a conflict-avoidant person myself, I have had to learn the hard way, and I have the battle scars to prove it.
Before you start fantasizing about escaping to a deserted island with a bottomless supply of coconut cocktails, take a deep breath and remember: conflict doesn’t have to be a disaster. In fact, with the right approach, it can actually be a catalyst for growth, innovation, and even a few good laughs.
Your first step on this thrilling journey of conflict resolution? Understanding the different ways people approach disagreements. Think of it as your field guide to the diverse creatures inhabiting your nonprofit jungle gym. Once you recognize these conflict styles, you’ll be better equipped to tame the beasts and turn those potential showdowns into productive pow-wows.
Meet Your Disagreement Crew (and How to Get Them to Play Nice)
- The Teddy Bear: This cuddly creature just wants everyone to get along. They’ll offer to do extra tasks, stay late, and generally bend over backwards to keep the peace. While adorable, they can get overwhelmed and burnt out. This is the “accommodating” conflict style.
- Leader Tip: Encourage your Teddy Bear to set healthy boundaries and speak up when they need help. Suffering in silence is never a good thing, and their frustration can come out in bad ways, including quitting!
- The Chameleon: This master of disguise disappears at the first sign of trouble. They’ll change the subject, avoid eye contact, and maybe even fake a sudden illness. Confrontation? Not on their watch. This is called the “avoiding” conflict style.
- Leader Tip: Create a safe space where your Chameleon feels comfortable voicing concerns in a safe space. You can also offer coaching on assertive communication techniques. Role playing as a form of coaching can work wonders!
- The Seesaw: This negotiator lives for compromise. They’ll rock back and forth, weighing everyone’s opinions and trying to find the middle ground. This is the “compromising” conflict style. Sometimes they try so hard to compromise that everyone loses or walks away feeling unsatisfied with the outcome.
- Leader Tip: Compromise is great, but sometimes you need to dig deeper to find truly win-win solutions. Don’t be afraid to ask “What if?” and explore all the possibilities. You can help an employee with a compromising conflict style by encouraging them to advocate more strongly for their own needs and interests while still seeking mutually agreeable solutions.
- The Lion: This fierce leader takes charge and isn’t afraid to roar. They’ll challenge ideas, voice their opinions, and maybe even engage in a little healthy competition. This is the “competition” conflict style.
- Leader Tip: A little bit of Lion energy can be motivating, but too much can lead to a staff stampede. A manager can help a “competitor” by channeling their drive into collaborative projects with clear goals and recognition, encouraging healthy competition while fostering teamwork. Make space in meetings for other folks to talk and ask questions. Create office norms around behaviors and model the way.
- The Wise Owl: This insightful mediator sees the big picture and understands that conflict can be an opportunity for growth. They’re patient, empathetic, and skilled at finding solutions that benefit everyone. This is the “collaboration” conflict style.
- Leader Tip: Cherish your Wise Owl! Learn from their wisdom and encourage a culture of open communication and collaboration. These folks can help you bring everyone together and mitigate conflict if you’re struggling. Keep them close and make them an integral part of your inner circle! If you don’t have a Wise Owl, consider investing in conflict resolution training for yourself and your team.
There are no magic bullets for managing conflict – every situation is unique. But understanding each person’s individual conflict style is like having a secret decoder ring for navigating the complexities of human interaction. It’s the key to unlocking effective communication and building stronger relationships.